It is seriously pathetic. Okay, it’ll tell you how to get somewhere. But jeeeeeeez, I’m sure it tries to make you change as much as is humanely possible at this or that station, walk here, walk there, blaaah.

Another thing: it never tells you the easiest routes. I have found routes to places that TfL JourneyPlanner never even remotely comes near to mentioning. I usually find routes myself that require the least amount of changes to get to a certain place, and which are actually quite pleasant journeys. For example:

• Liverpool Street : TfL tells you to get a train from East Croydon to London Bridge, go on the Northern Line to Bank (one stop) and get on the Central Line to Liverpool Street (one stop).

I just get a direct train to Farringdon and get the Metropolitan, Hammersmith & Shitty Line or Circle line from there to Liverpool Street!

• East Ham : TfL tells you to get a train from East Croydon to London Bridge, go on the Northern Line to Bank (one stop) and get on the Central Line to Mile End (three stops) and then District or Hammersmith & City Line to East Ham.

I just get a direct train to Blackfriars and get the District line from there!

I wonder what TfL are trying to achieve. I don’t think they make more money out of making gullible fools change umpteen times; or do they?

Yes, you read right, 2315. FOUR hours late. And that was only to BP, not Newport. I arranged for Rachel and my dad to come pick me up at BP as the train I was on terminated there, and I wasn’t going to risk waiting for another train to go the final hurdle to Newport. I got home eventually at 0035.

Why such massive delays? Well, about FIVE minutes before the 1745 train was due to arrive at BP, it stopped. Something wrong with the wheels, or the track. Could have been something to do with the sensors along the track that stop a train automatically (I didn’t know they could do that) if a fault with the train is detected. Well, a fault was detected with the train I was on, and it was stopped, and was not allowed to go above a certain speed. We had to wait for engineers to come and inspect the fault, and as we were in the middle of nowhere, in pitch blackness, they had to get the train to BP so that people could at least get off.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Three positive things about this fiasco:

1. I got a complimentary cup of tea and chocolate muffin;
2. I’ll be able to claim a refund of 50% of my ticket fare as the delays were more than one hour; and
3. I taught Natalie (the girl who was in the seat next to mine) the BSL alphabet.

I don’t usually come home on a Saturday, but I was asked to present a talk about property law at the Deaf Clubs Conference today, and I duly obliged. It was quite an interesting experience, explaining legal terms in BSL to a mostly Deaf audience.

Paddington
I can either get the overland train from East Croydon to Charing Cross and then the Bakerloo Line direct to Paddington (45 minutes), or go to Victoria and get the 36 or 436 bus to Paddington (50 mins).

Romford
I can get the overland train from East Croydon to London Bridge, and then either get the Northern Line to Bank and change for the Central to Stratford, or get the Jubilee Line to Stratford, and then an overland train to Romford (1 hour 13 mins via Jubilee, or 1 hour 8 mins via Northern and Central).

Royal Oak
Overland train from East Croydon to Victoria, and then the 36 bus to Royal Oak (58 mins).

Brixton
East Croydon to Victoria, and then the Victoria Line to Brixton (39 mins), or from East Croydon to Herne Hill, and then overland to Brixton (35 mins).

Of course, if I’m working at the Law Centre in Croydon on Park Lane, it’s about 10 mins altogether! ;o)

I get the Northern Line to King’s Cross St Pancras from Highgate, and then change amongst a maze of escalators, stairs and platforms; oh yeah, don’t forget the commuters as well – that station is always chock-a-block. Unfortunately, it’s the only way to get to Royal Oak via Tube. Ok, I could get the bus from somewhere, but it just means a longer commute to work.

This got me thinking – why do some people take to London Transport like water, and some people need to be taught? I certainly don’t remember anyone ever having to teach me how to get around London on public transport. I remember when I moved to London in June 2003, I was far more reliant on the Tube to get around, and was more than willing to change as necessary.

Now, I find I prefer the bus so much more; you get to see so much more of London (one of my favourite routes is the 43 bus between Monument and London Bridge because you get to go over London Bridge itself and see the Tower Bridge on your right. Given that I’m a historian, this is rather understandable.

People like Rachel though, they just find themselves so intimidated by the whole London Transport network. Nothing could be easier in my opinion. The Tube is really easy to work out; and you can work out how to get to places via bus even without having to check the Transport for London’s Journey Planner just by looking at the front of buses or on bus stands. I think people just need to take the plunge and be let loose!

Already running late this morning, I got the 134 bus to Highgate. Without traffic, it ordinarily takes about 10-15 minutes. Today, it took 30 minutes. Why? Traffic. The annoying thing was, the traffic couldn’t be explained. First of all, there was traffic going up Colney Hatch Lane to Muswell Hill Broadway. From what I could tell, this was due to badly placed traffic lights and a too high volume of traffic, but the traffic still existed from after the traffic lights into Muswell Hill proper. I was baffled. There was also a high volume of traffic from Muswell Hill Broadway to Highgate. No apparent explanation at all.

What really, really annoys me, is the fact that most of the cars that go past when I’m standing at the bus stop waiting ages for a bus to come along but held up by traffic, is the number of cars that have just ONE passenger in it, the driver. All those big machines are causing so much chaos and misery for public transport users, and they just have one person in the fucking things?! Why don’t these people get public transport and help the buses run on bloody time instead of causing loads of bloody traffic.

Can you tell this is something that pisses me off?

- in the men’s toilets, if a guy is going to use an urinal, he goes to the one furthest away from any other urinals being used;
- on buses, have you noticed that people who are forced to sit in the aisle seat due to lack of room always move to a window seat as soon as one becomes available, usually because they’d rather sit alone; and
- on the tube, if there are seats available with no one either side, people automatically aim for them.

I can’t think of any more. Can you?